Perhaps you’ve had people tell you, as I have many times before, that optimism isn’t realistic; that to be a realist is to naturally become a pessimist. After all, you can’t be disappointed if you are expecting disappointment, right?
To be optimistic, they would say, is to look at the world with rose-colored glasses, choose blissful ignorance of the facts of life, and see the world as you want to see it, as opposed to the way it is.
This kind of optimism, admittedly, is the definition of ignorance. If you believe that everything in life always works out fine, or that if you follow certain rules you can avoid hardship, or that good things happen to good people, and bad things to bad, then you are choosing to be ignorant of how life works. This is demonstrably true; we see hardship at everyone’s doorstep, regardless of what kind of person they are, or what they believe.
Let me be clear, I am a firm proponent of optimism, but not of that kind.
For me – and I suggest for all optimists out there – optimism needs to be reframed in the context of one word: CONTROL. What can we control? What can we not control? Answering this question shows where realistic optimism finds its power and peace.
You cannot control that jerk in traffic who cut you off. You cannot control your coworker who took credit for your work and got the promotion instead of you. You cannot control the cancer that started to develop in your grandfather’s body. You cannot control the hurricane that takes your home away. You cannot control those outside forces or people in your life that harm you, regardless of their intentions or lack thereof.
A pessimist would say at this point: YES, that’s RIGHT! So why bother thinking positively about anything if everything sucks?
Why? Because there is something that we can control, no matter what outcomes occur, and no matter what harm befalls us and those we love. That something is ourselves.
Bad stuff happens, to everything and everyone in this world. The difference between ignorant optimism, and mindful optimism, is that instead of saying:
Everything is going to be fine, always.
We can say:
No matter what happens, I will be fine.
To build oneself up in this mindset takes time and dedication. To strengthen ourselves and give ourselves tools to deal with all this world has to throw at us is no easy task.
But, it’s worth it to have, at the end of the day, an optimism that defies all outcomes and knows, with certainty, a way to cultivate positivity in a world that wants to kill it.
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